When we think of abuse, images of physical violence often come to mind, but emotional abuse and coercive control can be far more insidious and difficult to identify. These dynamics can creep into a relationship so slowly that by the time you realise something’s wrong, you might feel completely entangled, married, have children. If you’ve ever caught yourself wondering, “Is this normal?” or “Am I being too sensitive?”—you’re not alone. Here are the top 6 signs that you might be in a coercively controlling or emotionally abusive relationship:

1. You Walk on Eggshells

You’re constantly adjusting your behaviour to avoid conflict. Maybe you’re extra careful with your words, or you monitor your tone because you know a simple disagreement could spiral into a meltdown from your partner or an argument. This feeling of being on high alert all the time is a hallmark of a toxic relationship. When someone else’s emotions dominate your decisions, it’s a red flag that something is off.

2. They Isolate You from Friends and Family

Abusive partners often cut you off from your support network. They might convince you that your friends don’t really care about you or that your family is interfering too much. Slowly, they become your only point of emotional support, which makes it harder for you to leave. This isolation creates dependency, making it easier for them to manipulate and control you without the interference of others.

3. They Control Your Daily Life

It might start with small things—like what you wear or where you go—but it can escalate into monitoring your phone, finances, or even what you eat. They might disguise it as concern or wanting to help you be “better” or “safer,” but the reality is they’re taking away your autonomy. When you’re no longer able to make basic decisions for yourself without their input or approval, that’s coercive control in action.

4. You Feel Constantly Criticised

Nothing you do is ever good enough. Whether it’s the way you cook, dress, work, or clean, they find a way to make you feel inadequate. These criticisms may be framed as “helping” you improve, but the real impact is that it will undermine your confidence and self-worth. Over time, you begin to internalise their negative opinions, doubting yourself and your abilities.

5. Gaslighting: You Question Your Reality

Gaslighting is a psychological tactic where the abuser makes you doubt your own perception of events. They’ll deny things they said or did, twist conversations, and blame you for being “too sensitive” or “crazy” when you confront them. This manipulation creates confusion, and soon you’re not sure what’s real anymore. If you’re constantly second-guessing your memory or feelings, this could be a sign you’re being emotionally abused. Read here for more on gaslighting.

6. Your Emotions Are Invalidated

In a healthy relationship, your feelings are acknowledged and respected, even if your partner doesn’t always agree with them. In a coercive or emotionally abusive relationship, your emotions are dismissed as irrational, dramatic, or unimportant. They might tell you that you’re “overreacting” or “too emotional,” which diminishes your sense of self. Over time, you may begin to suppress your emotions altogether, afraid of how they’ll react.

Does any of this sound familiar?

If you resonate with these signs, but you are not sure, you can read more here. Know that it’s not your fault, and you don’t have to endure this. Coercive control and emotional abuse are serious forms of manipulation that can deeply affect your mental and emotional well-being. Reaching out to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist can be the first step in reclaiming your autonomy and sense of self. You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel safe, respected, and valued. In my therapy practice I specialise in just this.

Remember, abuse doesn’t always look like physical harm—it can hide in plain sight, under the guise of “love” or “concern.” Trust your instincts. If something feels wrong, it probably is.