Going no contact should be simple—block them, delete their number, move on. But if you’ve ever tried it, you’ll know it feels anything but simple. Whether it’s an ex who won’t let go or a parent whose number you keep memorised “just in case,” cutting ties with someone toxic can feel physically painful.

So why does going no contact feel impossible? And more importantly—how do you get through it?

Why Going No Contact Feels Impossible

If leaving a toxic relationship—whether with a parent or a partner—was purely logical, you’d have done it already. The problem is, your brain and emotions aren’t on the same page. Here’s why:

1. The Neurochemical Trap

Your brain has been conditioned to need this person, even if they’ve hurt you.

• Oxytocin (the bonding hormone) makes you crave their presence.
• Dopamine keeps you hooked on the hope of a positive interaction.
• Endogenous opioids mean their absence can feel like withdrawal.

The result? You find yourself longing for a text, a call—anything to relieve the discomfort.

🔗 Want to understand more about how your brain keeps you stuck in toxic relationships? Read this blog on the biology of trauma bonds.

2. Guilt & Obligation

• “But they’re my parent.”
• “But we’ve been together for years.”
• “But they said they’d change.”

Cultural narratives push the idea that family should be unconditional and relationships should be fought for. This makes walking away feel like failure, even when it’s survival.

3. The Trauma Bond Effect

When you’re in a toxic relationship, your brain learns to associate pain with love. It’s why the bad times fade fast, but the occasional kindness sticks. This keeps you trapped in a cycle of hoping for better while experiencing the same old hurt.

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No Contact with a Parent: Why It’s So Hard

Cutting off a parent is one of the hardest decisions a person can make. Even if they were abusive, neglectful, or toxic, society tells us that family should be forever.

The Myths That Keep People Stuck

❌ “They did their best.”
❌ “You only get one mum/dad.”
❌ “You’ll regret it when they’re gone.”

If you’ve had to go no contact with a parent, you’re not just grieving them—you’re grieving the parent you wish you had. And that’s an entirely different kind of loss.

How to Get Through It:
✔️ Accept that missing them doesn’t mean you made the wrong decision.
✔️ Limit exposure to guilt-tripping relatives (a.k.a. flying monkeys).
✔️ Remind yourself of the reasons you went no contact in the first place.

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No Contact with a Toxic Ex: Why You Keep Looking Back

The end of a toxic relationship rarely feels final. You might have moments of relief, but then comes the doubt:

• “Maybe I overreacted?”
• “They weren’t always that bad.”
• “What if they’ve changed?”

Spoiler: They haven’t.

The person who hurt you isn’t suddenly going to become safe. But your brain, desperate for relief, will tell you that the fastest way to stop feeling this bad is to go back.

The Sneaky Ways They Pull You Back In

👀 Hoovering – Sudden kindness, apologies, or grand gestures to suck you back in.
📸 Nostalgia Bait – Sending “innocent” reminders of good times.
💔 Guilt-Tripping – Telling you they “can’t live without you.”

How to Get Through It:
✔️ Recognise that the pain is temporary.
✔️ Remove all contact points (social media, emails, mutual friends).
✔️ Distract your brain with new dopamine sources—exercise, hobbies, anything healthy.

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How to Survive No Contact Without Caving

1️⃣ Make a No Contact Survival Plan.
Write down exactly why you went no contact and reread it when doubt creeps in.

2️⃣ Prepare for Weak Moments.
Save a friend’s number under your ex’s or parent’s name—text them instead when you’re tempted to reach out.

3️⃣ Reframe No Contact.
This isn’t about punishing them. It’s about protecting you.

4️⃣ Find a Therapist Who Gets It.
You don’t have to do this alone. Processing guilt, grief, and trauma with a therapist can make the process far less overwhelming.

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Final Thoughts

Going no contact is hard because your brain has been wired to need the person who hurt you. But that wiring can change.

If you’re struggling, keep reminding yourself: missing them doesn’t mean you made the wrong choice—it just means you’re healing.

👉 Need support? Read more on trauma bonds and emotional healing or get in touch to explore therapy options.

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